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There are a lot of actions one can take to become more confident. These steps are great if you understand and work on the secret underlying aspects of confidence. Until you develop the underlying aspects of confidence, then the actions to confidence will feel forced and you will give up claiming, “I just don’t have the confidence other people do.”

 

Here are the 4 Secret Aspects of Confidence-

 

Self-Compassion

So often you focus on what is going wrong or how you aren’t doing what you say you want to do. This is perfectly normal. Our brains are wired to focus more on the negative than the positive. Stop beating yourself up for what didn’t go right. Teach yourself to focus on what did go right and what you can do differently next time. 

 

Self-Knowledge

A lot of times when you want to make changes you get focused on just wanting something, anything to be different. You might not know exactly what you want to be different. You might want an immediate 180 from where you are. Both of these ways of thinking can keep you stuck where you are. To rectify this, have a specific idea of what you want to be different. Make those ideas only one or two steps above where you are. 

 

Strengths 

Change is difficult. You are trying to do something that you have not done before. It feels uncomfortable and maybe fake to you. To alleviate these icky feelings, use your strengths to make what you are doing more comfortable. In working in tandem with your strengths it will make what you are doing feel better to you. If you are unfamiliar with strengths I recommend taking the Authentic Happiness VIA Survey of Character Strengths.  

 

Optimism 

I don’t mean pull out your rose-colored glasses and believe that everything will just magically work out (You’ve already tried that anyway, haven’t you?).  Being optimistic means that you believe that the negative experience is just temporary and next time you can do better. Use the specific steps you created above. Know that you can make change with baby steps. 

 

When you build up the underlying aspects of developing confidence, you are able to view the actions of confidence in a whole new way. The actions you need to take become more comfortable and you realize you do have the ability to develop confidence. 

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