That may seem like an odd question to ask. Is there such a thing as too nice? With all the horrible things happening in the world and people being so mean to one another, how can anyone be too nice?
On the other side of the continuum from being a self-centered, meany is the people who are too nice.
You might be too nice if you…
Are glued to you phone so you can take a client call or email at any hour of the day, interfering with time you could spend with family, friends or themselves.
Say yes to every invitation you receive so you don’t seem rude, even though you would rather curl up on the couch, watch a movie and destress.
Stay in relationships where you feel put down and worthless, when you know it isn’t healthy for them.
Have difficulty delegating because you don’t want to put anyone else out, even though you know tasks would get done faster with help.
Continue to strive for success in a career you hate because that career is what you thought you “should” do, even though you would really love to be doing anything else.
Find yourself taking care of the house, kids, spouse, and dog with no help from anyone else, while you become resentful of the people you live with.
There is a name for people who are too nice. They are people-pleasers.
Have a difficult time saying ‘no’.
Pretend to agree with others.
Feel responsible for how others feel.
Try to fit in with whatever group they are with.
Are overwhelmed by everything they have to do.
Believe that by doing more they will gain people’s respect.
Worry constantly about hurting other people’s feelings.
Avoid conflict at all costs.
Basically, people who are too nice spend their time seeking approval from others rather than living the life they want to live.
While putting themselves in the backseat of life and letting everyone else dictate who they should be and what they should do, people-pleasers end up feeling stressed, burnt out and wondering why people are constantly letting them down when they obviously do so much for others.
How to Stop Being Too Nice…
The good news is that people-pleasers can overcome their difficulties and learn to stand up for themselves.
The first step is to develop a sense of who you are and build confidence and self-esteem about your importance just by virtue of being a human being. Finding self-compassion for wanting to live a different way can help.
Another aspect is learning how to be assertive and stand up for oneself. This is helpful when a you really want to say ‘no’ but have a tendency to say ‘yes’. Using assertive communication is not as hurtful to other’s feelings.
People-pleasers really benefit from learning to set boundaries. Having definitive rules for what types of behaviors you will tolerate or how much time you will spend doing things for other people will make speaking up much easier.
Gaining emotional strength helps people-pleasers cope with the guilt you feel when you show self-interest. Being resilient with your feelings allows people-pleasers to stop being caught up in other people’s emotions.
Life is too short to live it for other people. People-pleasers need to remember that they are just as important as others.