do everything for everybody – but never for yourself?
want everyone to be happy – but forget how to make yourself happy?
take care of everyone else’s wants and needs – but can’t even recognize your own?
Are you just too people-pleasingly nice?
To quote prominent Nigerian writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, “…forget about likeability – if you start off thinking about being likeable you’re not going to tell your story honestly… because you’re going to be so concerned with not offending.” She also says, “all over the world, girls are raised to be make themselves likeable, to twist themselves into shapes that suit other people.”
Does that sound like you?
If you want to:
- Take care of your own needs first
- Be taken more seriously
- Have your own life, pursuing your own dreams
- Live a happier, more confident life
- Start speaking up for yourself
- Find out just how happy it’s possible to be
- Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault
- Unburden yourself of so many additional responsibilities
- Quit biting off more than you can chew
- Finish being so hard on yourself
- No longer feel like you’re disappearing
You’re in the right place.
After working with hundreds of clients I realized that they are scared to follow their own path because they don’t want to come across as a witch (but with a b) or feel like they are letting the people in their life down. And that they could spend the rest of their time here on earth making themselves miserable by trying to be everything to everyone else or they could stop the people-pleasing, start speaking up, being happy,and less stressed by boldly being themselves.
Now I use my 10+ years as a psychologist to coach smart, successful women with science backed tools to find the confidence to ask for what they want, stop trying to please everyone, say no and let go of the guilt so they can unapologetically find their happiness (and still spread that happiness to others).
Have you heard of self-fulfilling prophecies? Sociologist Robert Merton coined this phrase in the 1940’s. To simplify, the self-fulling prophecy means that the way we see ourselves is the way we will behave. That picture we have created in our heads of who we are leads us to act in accordance with that picture.
In other words, if you think you’re really nice, you’re going to act really nice (and have people walk all over you).
When you think differently of yourself, it’s like giving yourself permission to be who you want to be. You won’t be giving into comparing yourself to others, you will be focusing on following that beacon of who you are really meant to be. Who you really want to be.
So if you want to:
- Be able to say no to people
- Be authentically self interested – the right way
- Have real friends who see your value
- Have people treat you as the important person you are
- Speak up for what you need to be happy
- Stop feeling guilty for your wants
- Reach the goals that are right for you