Come on, let’s go. We are going to a part-ay! Let’s go out, have some fun, we’re gonna go meet some friends of mine, all right?
But now, here’s the important thing. When we get there I really want you to be nice. Just be nice. When I ask you to be nice, what does that mean to you?
I’ll give you a minute to think about it. Well, I won’t give you a full minute ’cause nobody wants to sit and watch me on a video for just a minute giving you time to think.
What does being nice mean to you?
Think about if you have kids and you say to your kids, be nice.
What are you really asking them to do?
A lot of times it means smile, be happy, be pleasant, don’t rock the boat, don’t get into any trouble, don’t do anything you’re not supposed to do.
Nice has a lot of connotations. And I always think of nice in relation to the people pleasers that I know and following along with others, don’t cause trouble, be agreeable, let others take the lead.
And so, nice really has come to mean that we aren’t supposed to do anything that other people will frown upon.
And that is why I don’t want people to be nice anymore.
I don’t want you to be mean, I’m not asking you to be mean.
I’m just saying we need to do away with this idea of being so nice.
Because what that leads to is doing all of the things that people ask us, except for ourselves.
And with people pleasers, it boils down to this idea of will people like me? I want people to like me, so I’m going to do all these things.
Or sometimes a worse fear is if I don’t do all these things for everybody else, then they’re going to leave me, they’re not going to want to be with me anymore. And then what I’m going to do? I’m going to be all alone.
And so, the peopley pleasy type takes on all these things to keep everyone happy.
All the volunteer work, anything their boss asks them to do, extra work for coworkers, if they’re business owners, taking on more clients than they can handle. Taking calls from clients 24/7. Whoa, that is exhausting!
The ‘nice people’ do all these things that lead to a ton of anxiety and worry and stress and poor sleep and poor diet and not exercising because who has the time to do that?
This idea of being a hot mess has really become sort of this badge of honor in our society of ‘oh, I just don’t have the time’.
And the reason that a lot of people don’t have the time is because they’re trying to keep so many other people happy, that they are not happy.
And I really want people to stop being so people pleasing.
Stop being so damn nice.
Learn to set boundaries, learn to be assertive in getting your needs met, learn how to fit you into your schedule.
So please, stop being so nice, and find the confidence to stand up and get your wants and needs met.
And now you’re thinking, but I don’t wanna be a beeyotch! Seriously, if I’m not doing for everybody else, then I’m the butt hole. And that is so not true. As you described in how not to be a donkey.